13 days

I have 13 days. That's it. For a while now, since last September to be exact, I've had a specific time goal in mind for this race. It makes me nervous to say these things out loud as it seems to create a scenario where I have to be more accountable or something. I don't want to disappoint the masses, you know. Well, I have said it out loud, lots of times, but it seems like I've been watching it all fall apart for the last two injury filled blizzard-y months. And there have been times lately where I had to remind myself why I'm doing this in the first place. It's not for the people around me, you'll still think I'm crazy for doing what I do no matter what my time is. It's not for the finisher's medal, though I do enjoy the collection growing on my wall. And it's not even for the cupcakes. It rarely occurs to me to run further and earn an extra cupcake. Though I do like the extra cupcake!

So what is it for...?

I really, actually, honest to goodness, sincerely like running. I like to work hard. I like to push myself and I like to wake up on race day, step up the the starting line and see what happens. So far, it has worked out and there really is nothing like that feeling. Setting a goal and achieving it. It's good.

I had a conversation with someone at the gym the other day. It started with this guy asking why Jimmy hasn't been coming in to workout in the morning anymore. I told him that Jimmy was working out in the evenings with these guys that were pushing him really hard. I mentioned that one day they worked him so hard he threw up. Seemingly appalled by this, the guy says that sounded like it was too much. He wouldn't ever work out that hard, he said. To lighten the mood, I laughed and said, (as I was climbing the ominous-looking stair mill.) "Well, I tend to be a Let's just see what happens... kind of girl." and then I realized how true that is.

So many people, (myself included in certain areas) just go through the motions of exercise and never really learn how tough they are.

Don't get me wrong, anyone who hangs around me during race season knows I get anxious and worked up over things and my shadow has an affair with self-doubt every once in a while. Out-running it can get kind of difficult. So, it's time to shed my backpack filled with rocks and run un-emcumbered once again.

Say goodbye the to self-doubt. Ix-nay to the expectations of others. Nyet to the leg and hip pain. Say no way to the feeling of imperfection.

I hereby welcome all the good stuff. I've husked the corn of all the dry, papery layers. I've peeled back the silky threads and it's time to partake of the sweet summer kernals. I have nourished the planted seed and breathed life into it to the best of my ability and the rewards can now be mine. It may not be perfect, but...

"Let's just see what happens."