I WISH! a photo essay by an inept photographer.

Today has been rough. Tonya and I met at 4:45 a.m. with the instruction to run a 2 mile warm-up followed by 3 x 1 mile repeats @ 6:30, 6:30, and 6:25. and then a 2 mile cool down. I am so muscle sore that I'm reminded of what it feels like after running a marathon. It HURTS. Along with all the regular training, I've allowed myself to be sucked into the gym vortex altering my temporal lobe and my loss of logic has caused me to do two-a-days for the last couple of weeks when I should have been recovering from an injury. Stupid vortex! You know the vortex, the one where you see all those people that you don't look like and then someone says "oh, lift this! or add this weight! Ride that stair mill for 45 minutes!" and. now. it's. catching. up. to. me. So, this morning, I could NOT run any faster than a 7 minute mile and even that was acid-inducing. (you know what I mean, right?) I'm tired. Really tired.

I could use some of this..... a nice SLOW climb and a new view of the world

pretty flowers growing out of the dark
some of messy Ty's candy
some quiet time
a good ride on a steep road where all I have to do is breath and move and relax
some good old fashioned soaking up the sunshine

and last but not least....just kidding! but isn't that a funny tree!?!?


Here's to tomorrow being a new day......

POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
You playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”

--Marianne Williamson


I stole this from the blog belonging to my trainer, Lisa. The author is listed. I don't know who she is but she's a genius. These words speak to me. They speak to a place that hides behind the inadequacies and the fear that peek through sometimes. While I run I have these thoughts that travel with me. I run the tangent. My thoughts don't always follow. The quality of my run determines the level of fight it takes to keep my errant thoughts away from the uneven cant.

Today, I counted. To 95. Dozens of times. Cadence counts! (The most efficient runners step on each foot 95-100 times per minute.)

After a while though, I got tired and those little rebels went straight for the middle of the road. (I'm not crazy. Try running long distances and see what happens in your brain...) "What makes you think you can do it..." "You are too slow..."

But then, as everyone should do, I practiced some self-mastery and reigned those suckers in.

I thought about the above words and felt strong. Please let them help you too.

Dear Summer.

Dear Summer,

It's been a while. I'm sorry we haven't kept in touch like we promised. Don't let the fact that I've been hanging out with others make you feel like I love you any less. Yes, I accepted the change and even found that I was happy with my new friends but to begin with, when you left, I was angry and hurt. I won't lie. I shed a few tears and cried myself to sleep but when you didn't return I knew I had stop being selfish and let you do what was best for you. I hope you will forgive me. I hope you have found your place and have been happy where ever you are but I'll be honest...I really miss you and want you to come home.

PLEASE.

COME, SOON.

You can even bring your friend, Spring, I think that's her name. I promise I'll show you both some great hospitality. The guest bedroom is made up and ready and the fridge is stocked.

I'M READY WHEN YOU ARE.

Yours truly and forever,

Jennica


p.s. To all of you runners out there...the answer is yes! I have greatly improved my running form since this picture was taken.

TRIP TO UTAH COMING SOON

As soon as I get home I'll post a video of my kids rocking out to led zeppelin. It's awesome.


Is it cool that my kids know the old school rock?






I tried to cut it down but apparently between the company we have at our house, all-star basketball, church meetings, cupcake making, sick kids, broken dryer, nonfunctioning dishwasher, etc. my multi-tasking skills are at their max. Sorry.


Extra points for you if you noticed the typical gender role reversal (Jimmy is manly enough to let me drive!) and the nervous bottom-lip chewing habit I've developed.

We had a good trip.

FOR THE LOVE!

Ya know what?! Things change. Seasons. Minds. Taste buds. Bodies. Babies. Lives. Sometimes it happens quickly and sometimes it happens so slowly that you might not even notice it until someone else points it out and the wheels get going and all of the sudden you realize how much time has passed and the changes are huge.

I used to love chocolate frozen yogurt smothered in strawberries. It was such a perfect mixture of sweet and sour and smooth. The chocolate was rich and full and the berries were tart and sassy. Oh, it was tasty. Once, I found such a treat left on my doorstep when prior plans prevented me from going out with this guy for the evening. Boy, was he smart!! He knew how to keep my attention...

Jimmy and I were driving down-town yesterday for dinner and a movie when we saw these huge letters stomped out in the snow. Across from the temple. Marry me? Jimmy groaned. I smiled. "That's cheesy." he said. "It's romantic and cheesy." I countered and this led to a discussion about what Jimmy considered to be romantic. Ummm. I can't really reveal those details here. Hi, mom! Sometimes, actions speak louder than words, right? Anyway, we went to our favorite restaurant. Awesome food. Terrible ambiance. I mean really, the yellow walls are manic-inducing and the un-even tiles on the floor make for some ear-piercing scrapes as chairs are adjusted but again, the food is fantastic. It's not really a setting for a quiet romantic dinner but we were soothed by our attempts to re-design and re-decorate the space through osmosis and sheer will. We felt the transformation. It was nice.

We drove across town to attend a movie. We were early so we sat in the car talking. Jimmy asked to me tell him a memory from the years we've been together and while many things raced through my mind I could sum it all up in one word...Lucky! We talked about how much we've been through, been dragged through, and pulled through. And it feels good. "You NEVER give up." he says. I like that. It felt good to hear him say that.

Anyway, my new thing, is cupcakes. I love them. They are best when the textures are extreme. There is a cupcake called the ultimate brownie and it is amazing. The cupcake part is fudgy, and crunchy, with crispy soft toasted marshmallows on top and then covered with a rich and creamy swirl of chocolate frosting. It makes me happy to eat it. The cupcake store has a pretty decent young and hip vibe to it but even so, we re-decorated a little bit while we indulged. We added some nice leather couches and a coffee table to make it a little bit more homey and while I watched him I realized something...And then I text-ed him about it. From across the table.

It said..."I fell in love once over a frozen yogurt and I just did it again over a cupcake."

He blushed.

I smirked.

How's that for romantic!?

Happy Anniversary, Jimmy.