I thought I knew what I'd do if it ever happened. I was sure there wouldn't be any question. I would be strong and unwavering. I'd never be in the position in the first place and yet...It happened. And I was weak. My heart melted and I had follow it. I was propositioned tonight.
His exact words were..."Mommy? Do you want to have a sleepover with me tonight?"
"YES!" I said, without hesitation. I followed him into his room and saw that he had put a blanket out on the floor, two pillows side by side, an extra blanket for coverage, and two stuffed animals for us to cuddle. Perfect, right?
Wow.
I couldn't stop kissing his tiny lips.
BUT, then he started drooling and let's just say that ruined it for me and I was out of there.
When all the other mothers were complaining about how their sons waited until the last minute to get ready....I got to top them all with this story. Thank goodness for a damp washcloth and a kid that will actually stand still long enough for me to scrub off the evidence of this experiment. Phewwww.
Running has changed my life. The day I did my first race after being married and having a couple of kids (and by a couple, I mean three) was a great day. It marks the moment my family (and me) realized I could do more than change diapers and burn toast. I became a super-hero. A boost my ego desperately needed. I was still in such bad shape that all day after the race I sat in a lawn chair shaded by giant trees and could. not. move. a. muscle. but I was happy all the way through.
The next day though....Ouch!
I began to realize that racing was good for me. I loved the competition. That drive to win even if I was only racing myself. And the change in my confidence. Wow. Oh, and all the friends I've made. Socially, it's been amazing. We run. We chat. We vent. We laugh. Good times.
I eventually figured out that with more training, I could do longer races. They still hurt really bad because I like to beat my times and compete. So, I train hard and I race harder. I like it. I pour over past races and training schedules. I plan for months before the actual race day. I memorize the race profiles, strategize my water stops and re-fueling. I lay in bed and cover the race course in my head. How I look. How I feel. The weather. My shoes. Everything. Even when I'm swimming, I'm running in my head. When I plan like this and it works out, there is no better feeling in the world. Plus! Someone gives me a medal when I get done. and sometimes a trophy. That's cool right?
I'll be honest. SOMETIMES, things are weird and I get all bungled up. Like, right now, I'm injured and running really hurts. I'm trying to get faster and my program is way tougher than ever before. I like it, it's a challenge. I just have a few aches and pains to work through. It's a rut. Everyone has them. It's o.k. I just have to be patient and diligent and I'll be fine. Even though progress might be slow right now, I am learning things about myself. For instance, I hear people talk about how when running a marathon they start hurting around mile 18 and after that it's hard to keep going. I, however, have run a marathon where I started hurting at mile three and I still finished the race. On Saturday, my entire 21 miler was a battle. It hurt. But I never quit. And THAT is important to me. Also, I can deal with an extreme amount of pain. I might be grumpy about it but I can take it. And that is important for me to know about myself, too. Now, that's not to say that I'm careless about my body. I make very educated decisions about what I put myself through and there have been times when I said "Enough!" and I went home and climbed back in bed. But I like to work hard.
Nothing that was ever given to me has meant as much to me as the things that I work hard for. Marriage, kids, family, dreams, goals, talents....They all require effort and planning and a good strategy to make them grow continually and keep them fresh and at their peak. And sometimes, you just have to gut it out. For me, running and racing has helped me figure out how tough I really am and I'm grateful for it. It has added definition to my life and while it doesn't define ALL of me it helps ME to define the REST of me.
Izzy has been talking nonstop about her birthday. When is my birthday? How many days until my birthday? Can I have a princess party? I invited so and so to my birthday!....So, when Kinley called today to find out what time to come over for Izzy's party, I didn't have the heart to let her down and tell her Izzy's birthday isn't until next month, I had to invite her over today.
When the girls came upstairs and said they were hungry, I made them quesadilla's. and salsa. and a really gooey smore's-like treat with marshmallow cream and melted chocolate. I spilled chocolate all over the counter top and kids were covered with mush and loving it...so I said to Kinley...
"Kinley, is your mom as messy as me?" In reply, Kinley made some sort of scoffing noise and said, very definitively, "NO!"
Things progress and chaos, as usual, ensues so I ask our tame little house guest...
"Kinley, is your house as crazy as our house."
Again, a very confident "NO!"
Ok, let me digress. Izzy is a middle child. Look up the attributes and definition of a middle child and by golly, there's a picture of Izzy. To be honest, she's kind of struggling right now. She's big but not big enough. She's wants all the attention but when she gets it she throws a tantrum. She pouts. She whines. She holds a grudge. Well, you get the picture. So, Jimmy and I have been working extra hard to help her find her place and part of that is letting her play with her friends more often.
Enter Kinley.
Dear Kinley's mother,
I would like to formally apologize for the influence my child may have on your child. I will try my very best to supervise the craziness and keep it to a manageable level. While I cannot promise not to feed their cute faces with ooey gooey treats I do promise that we do not normally live by the "eat it or wear it" concept as it may appear in this video. I believe in keeping kids active and if she tells you stories about exercise balls, foam rollers, bikes in the basement and sword fights with marathon stick massagers, I assure it's all safe and harmless. The lawsuit from the football/fight club party is still pending but I have every confidence it will be cleared up shortly. I hope you will still allow your daughter to continue to play with Izzy as I'm sure this is a stage she will grow out of soon. I hope you will understand and bear with us.
Do your best. That's a pretty easy concept. We tell it to our kids all the time when their nerves are frayed and they are scared of something new. We say it to our friends, our spouses, to our neighbors...and for the most part I think we even believe that is all we should expect of other people and we are proud of them when they do. I learned something this morning that I should have learned a long time ago. I'm sitting here in my nice warm house watching the the sun come up over the mountains, the Grand Teton is peeking over the foothills giving me a reminder of the Teton Valley and Targhee where a couple of races and people have changed my life and I'm reading an e-mail from my friend Lisa who is helping me train right now and giving me opportunities to think bigger. Lisa was replying to my thoughts about the snow shoe race yesterday and she says...
"All anyone can or should expect from themselves or others is for them to do their best on that day."
I know. It's nothing new. It's not even terribly original but for some reason it finally sunk in. For me.
I did well yesterday. Snow shoeing up mountains, it turns out, is incredibly challenging. Lisa said that the 10k I did yesterday is about equivalent to an 18 mile run on the road. I believe it. It was tough and my body can sure feel it today. It was so tough that when I saw a man with a camera on top of the mountain taking pictures I realized I had been so focused on just. moving. forward. one. step. at. a. time. that I hadn't even noticed the world around me. After that, I chose to look and and take mental pictures and because I did, today, I am grateful. Grateful for so many things and blessed with even more. My body is strong and my mind is too. The race consisted of a loop. The competitors completed one for the 5k and two for the 10k and let me assure you it was an act of pure will to begin that second loop yesterday. In fact, several people that signed up for the 5k were told that if they finished their 1st loop and wanted to continue, they could. None of them did.
Anyway, it was hard. I wasn't as fast as I hoped but I did my best. I learned some things I can use in the future. I worked to adapt as well as I could for my first ever snow-shoe race. I've come to understand that nothing Lisa is a part of will ever be easy but she will give me the tools and the opportunity to accomplish it if I will work hard and do my best and then she will be proud of me.
Hmmm. That reminds me of another person I've learned about my whole life. Today, I am grateful for HIM.
I should be at the gym right now. But I'm not. Ty is sounding a little croupy and his eyes are all puffy. Poor buddy. And poor mommy. We are in now in self-imposed exile so as not to spread germs. Self-imposed exile creates some soul-searching. Here it goes.
Jimmy and I went swimming this morning and though I was determined to "take back the pool" I was severely destroyed. I have felt very weak through all my swims these last few weeks and I decided it was time to become the alpha male and bite the dog by the ear, so to speak. (Yes, I watch snow dogs with my kids.)So, on Tuesday I walked into that pool with a purpose and swam forty good hard laps. It felt good!!! I figured that I'd need to assert my position against the water today to maintain my status but was completely unprepared for the backlash that would become my un-doing. My kryptonite. By way of revenge, the pool cranked up it's temperature to a scorching 90 degrees and I was no match for it's heat. Foiled again.
It's interesting to me how little things can impact us in big ways. I feel like I work really hard to prepare myself for races. A marathon is a tough thing to wrap your head around but the way you do it is by building one mile at a time. You put in the miles and slowly you become more confident and more used to the pounding that your body takes. If you enjoy feeling like you got smashed by a mack truck all the time, by all means, train for a marathon. Don't get me wrong, you do adapt and get stronger and the feeling you get when you finish those miles is totally worth the sore muscles and sometimes you feel like you own the road. But sometimes, it owns you and the little things make a huge difference. Fueling, water stops, good shoes, ice on the roads, an unexpected downhill...you get the picture. It's work and your brain has to be ready for it. To use someone else's inspirational words it really is a..."If you believe, you can achieve" concept. And right now I'm struggling with the belief part of the equation.
I've been informed by my wonderful hard-working trainer that "you are going to race the 10k snow-shoe race and you are going to move your butt!" We need to see where you are, she says with a smile. I've never run on snowshoes before and I'm freaking out! The race is two days away and I'm already waking up at all hours of the night thinking about this race. I'm excited to try something different but even after all the miles I've run and all the races I've done, THIS IS NEW and the little things are getting me. Will I be last? Will I disappoint? Will I look stupid?
These seem big to me but in reality they are little things and I just need to let go of them. Stop wasting time limiting and doubting yourself! Somewhere recently, I heard or read something that Michael Jordan once said...I can't quote it exactly but it was basically this...Don't be afraid of failure, Be afraid of not trying. I'm going to remind myself of this. I like it. An elite runner's words saved me once before when I was terrified of my first Moab 1/2 marathon. I had been sick and missed some training runs and my fear of failure and lack of confidence ALMOST made me not even start the race but then I remembered what she had said. "Just run your best and at the end of the day, it is what it is."
Well, there it is. I'll go on Saturday. I'll follow my strategy. I'll make myself believe and when it's over. It is what it is.
Except for last night when he pouted himself to sleep and stayed that way for the entire Madison vs. Rigby basketball game. Madison won. For the uninformed out there...the Madison and Rigby rivalry is one of the most intense and long-standing rivalries in the state. So much, that when I was in school, there were several "rumbles" that had to be broken up by police, fights between teams, and even once a Rigby girl drove by in her car, grabbed a Madison girl through the window and proceeded to drag her to the Maverick three blocks away. No kidding. We, as a family, have attended most of the home games this season and this particular match-up is the only one that has been sold out; the stands were filled with almost as many Rigby Trojans as there were Madison Bobcats. It was loud! And the refs were terrible! There was even a certain sports fanatical stake-president sitting near us (and by near, I mean, directly behind) who offered many a loud opinion in reference to the referees ineptitude. "He's an anticipation ref! He blew his whistle before it even happened." I could go on....However, the whole point of this was to share that Ty SLEPT through ALL of it.
Go Figure.
Just as a side note: I just spell-checked this and the only thing my computer found off about this paragraph was the word RIGBY!!!!
