I'm thinking about life.

Running has changed my life. The day I did my first race after being married and having a couple of kids (and by a couple, I mean three) was a great day. It marks the moment my family (and me) realized I could do more than change diapers and burn toast. I became a super-hero. A boost my ego desperately needed. I was still in such bad shape that all day after the race I sat in a lawn chair shaded by giant trees and could. not. move. a. muscle. but I was happy all the way through.

The next day though....Ouch!

I began to realize that racing was good for me. I loved the competition. That drive to win even if I was only racing myself. And the change in my confidence. Wow. Oh, and all the friends I've made. Socially, it's been amazing. We run. We chat. We vent. We laugh. Good times.

I eventually figured out that with more training, I could do longer races. They still hurt really bad because I like to beat my times and compete. So, I train hard and I race harder. I like it. I pour over past races and training schedules. I plan for months before the actual race day. I memorize the race profiles, strategize my water stops and re-fueling. I lay in bed and cover the race course in my head. How I look. How I feel. The weather. My shoes. Everything. Even when I'm swimming, I'm running in my head. When I plan like this and it works out, there is no better feeling in the world. Plus! Someone gives me a medal when I get done. and sometimes a trophy. That's cool right?

I'll be honest. SOMETIMES, things are weird and I get all bungled up. Like, right now, I'm injured and running really hurts. I'm trying to get faster and my program is way tougher than ever before. I like it, it's a challenge. I just have a few aches and pains to work through. It's a rut. Everyone has them. It's o.k. I just have to be patient and diligent and I'll be fine. Even though progress might be slow right now, I am learning things about myself. For instance, I hear people talk about how when running a marathon they start hurting around mile 18 and after that it's hard to keep going. I, however, have run a marathon where I started hurting at mile three and I still finished the race. On Saturday, my entire 21 miler was a battle. It hurt. But I never quit. And THAT is important to me. Also, I can deal with an extreme amount of pain. I might be grumpy about it but I can take it. And that is important for me to know about myself, too. Now, that's not to say that I'm careless about my body. I make very educated decisions about what I put myself through and there have been times when I said "Enough!" and I went home and climbed back in bed. But I like to work hard.

Nothing that was ever given to me has meant as much to me as the things that I work hard for. Marriage, kids, family, dreams, goals, talents....They all require effort and planning and a good strategy to make them grow continually and keep them fresh and at their peak. And sometimes, you just have to gut it out. For me, running and racing has helped me figure out how tough I really am and I'm grateful for it. It has added definition to my life and while it doesn't define ALL of me it helps ME to define the REST of me.

And on that note, I think I'll have some toast.