Everybody has trials and issues to overcome, right? Some are more challenging than others but all require us to have the pliability it takes to learn how to manage and to find a new normal. It's Father's Day and I miss my dad terribly. Since his death in 2004 I have had to stretch my soul to try to understand why he left us and how to know him though I can't really ask him any questions. And I mean REALLY KNOW him. Just being aware of how he likes his sandwiches and that he liked to run really isn't enough today.
My dad ran. A LOT. I think he started running because life seemed challenging to him and he needed to de-stress but when he got really good at it he continued to run because he loved the challenge of it and he wanted/needed/craved the instant rewards of winning a race or improving his times. It made him feel worth; like he was "somebody" for a minute. He trained like nobody I've ever known but I think he was always running FROM something. Everyday, he ran as hard as he could away from his childhood, his stress, his inability to process, his insecurities and ran towards a finish line of acceptance.
Most of the technical things I know about running and racing, I learned from him. But, I know I do it for different reasons.
Yesterday, I had a unique opportunity to be part of something big. My friend Lisa, a world-class ultra-runner, concluded a charity run for children in need and I got to walk/run the last 50 miles with her. She has been walking and running 50 miles in each of the 50 United States over the last 62 days trying to spread the word of her mission to raise money to help kids. Her journey has been incredibly challenging and physically battering. Her left foot, most likely broken, was causing her a tremendous amount of pain. But she just kept moving and praying. She has so much faith that God will help her help these kids that she just overcomes any amount of personal suffering for the chance to alleviate the suffering of others.
It inspires me to believe we can endure, and our trials don't have to define us, we don't have to repeat history and we can do more. And yesterday, I did more. More than I thought I could. I covered twice as many miles than I have ever covered before...and it hurt. A lot. But I never gave up.
I thought a lot about my dad and wondered what he would have thought about what I accomplished and the kind of person I have become. Would he have come to watch? Would he have run with me? Would he have understood how "huge" this was for me? What would he have said? Could he have expressed it? Or would he have kissed me on the forehead and said "You know I love you, right?"
Yesterday, I learned a great deal about overcoming our issues and the stress that will inevitably find us in this life. And while I have peace and a new normal without my dad, sometimes, I just wish he could come over and answer my questions.
Or take a nap on my floor.
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