EXILE

I should be at the gym right now. But I'm not. Ty is sounding a little croupy and his eyes are all puffy. Poor buddy. And poor mommy. We are in now in self-imposed exile so as not to spread germs. Self-imposed exile creates some soul-searching. Here it goes.

Jimmy and I went swimming this morning and though I was determined to "take back the pool" I was severely destroyed. I have felt very weak through all my swims these last few weeks and I decided it was time to become the alpha male and bite the dog by the ear, so to speak. (Yes, I watch snow dogs with my kids.)So, on Tuesday I walked into that pool with a purpose and swam forty good hard laps. It felt good!!! I figured that I'd need to assert my position against the water today to maintain my status but was completely unprepared for the backlash that would become my un-doing. My kryptonite. By way of revenge, the pool cranked up it's temperature to a scorching 90 degrees and I was no match for it's heat. Foiled again.

It's interesting to me how little things can impact us in big ways. I feel like I work really hard to prepare myself for races. A marathon is a tough thing to wrap your head around but the way you do it is by building one mile at a time. You put in the miles and slowly you become more confident and more used to the pounding that your body takes. If you enjoy feeling like you got smashed by a mack truck all the time, by all means, train for a marathon. Don't get me wrong, you do adapt and get stronger and the feeling you get when you finish those miles is totally worth the sore muscles and sometimes you feel like you own the road. But sometimes, it owns you and the little things make a huge difference. Fueling, water stops, good shoes, ice on the roads, an unexpected downhill...you get the picture. It's work and your brain has to be ready for it. To use someone else's inspirational words it really is a..."If you believe, you can achieve" concept. And right now I'm struggling with the belief part of the equation.

I've been informed by my wonderful hard-working trainer that "you are going to race the 10k snow-shoe race and you are going to move your butt!" We need to see where you are, she says with a smile. I've never run on snowshoes before and I'm freaking out! The race is two days away and I'm already waking up at all hours of the night thinking about this race. I'm excited to try something different but even after all the miles I've run and all the races I've done, THIS IS NEW and the little things are getting me. Will I be last? Will I disappoint? Will I look stupid?

These seem big to me but in reality they are little things and I just need to let go of them. Stop wasting time limiting and doubting yourself! Somewhere recently, I heard or read something that Michael Jordan once said...I can't quote it exactly but it was basically this...Don't be afraid of failure, Be afraid of not trying. I'm going to remind myself of this. I like it. An elite runner's words saved me once before when I was terrified of my first Moab 1/2 marathon. I had been sick and missed some training runs and my fear of failure and lack of confidence ALMOST made me not even start the race but then I remembered what she had said. "Just run your best and at the end of the day, it is what it is."

Well, there it is. I'll go on Saturday. I'll follow my strategy. I'll make myself believe and when it's over. It is what it is.