Shell-shocked.

Have you ever had a close call? Something terrible that ALMOST happened? I once sat on the porch with my dad, as Lincoln ran in front of a car, too far away to re-act with anything other than a scream. My heart began to beat like drums in my chest until he was safe. Then, I kind of just sat there, numb.

That's how I feel today. Life has been crazy, lately. Lots of changes, and activity and planning and plotting and thinking and growing. I am now a soon-to-be working mother and beginning July 8th life, as we know, is over. It should be good for us. We should all grow and become stronger. I hope. For now though, it's tough to think about. Ty has been the one to express every one's thoughts..."You mean, you are going to be a fake mother instead of a real mother?"

I don't know where he got that but it's sad to me. Very sad. I need to work. For many reasons. But I want my kids to know I'm still their mother and I will always take care of them.

p.s. this post is not to meant to offend or make any statement whatsoever about mothering. it is only to express the stress and fear of this huge change in our lives.